tackle the 'yes-damn' of over-commitment

If you find yourself plagued by commitments that you later regret, then give a thought to the so-called ‘yes–damn’ effect, as coined by psychologists Gal Zauberman and John Lynch.

They argue that we tend to over-commit today, because we have a psychological bias to overestimate how much time we will have in future and because we want to please people.

This bias comes from a mismatch between memory and the mundane:  when we agree to the future, we forget to factor in all those everyday tasks that eat into our time but never get in our schedule.  They are just so well-known they don’t need to be listed.

Not surprisingly, the degree to which we like or dislike a particular activity is a big influencer according to researchers at the University of California.  If we like doing it, we are more likely to think we will have time to pull it in, particularly if we are poor at planning to start with.

The desire to please, or the status of the person making the request, may equally have an impact.  And we all know about the requests that we feel have to be accepted on the spot as they appear, no matter how busy we are – whether in the workplace or at home.

One approach that may help counteract the ‘damn’ pattern is to estimate how long a new activity may take, but then double it.  It’s suggested that this can help tackle our tendency to under-estimate.

Another way to help yourself think twice is to imagine the request being for immediate action: if it feels too much today, and there is nothing special on the schedule, then it’s probably going to be too much on the day it has to be delivered.

Maybe also reflect on whether you want to be counted on to always say yes, no matter the circumstances, or to be known for always doing a good job.   Somewhere in between is probably the sweet spot, so challenge yourself if you have a tendency towards people-pleasing and be more pragmatic in assessing your resources in the moment.

Tell us where you stand on the yes-damn spectrum  – take part in our poll and see how many agree with you.