building authentic presence

The power of connection: finding common ground

For Vilkelis, presence is all about connection. “It’s important to look for similarities rather than differences when introducing yourself,” she explains. Whether it’s an anecdote about family or a shared hobby, starting a conversation with common ground helps build rapport and lowers barriers. In the interview she gives examples of introducing herself with humour — a practice she has found can help to build group camaraderie, bridging differences and moving beyond credentials into a shared human experience.

This approach to building presence is about setting aside assumptions and judgements. Vilkelis encourages people to stay curious instead, finding ways to connect rather than focusing on ways to impress. “Presence isn’t about looking good; it’s about being there, listening, and finding connections,” she says. This mindset is particularly valuable in an era where online interactions can feel transactional rather than personal.

Managing inner dialogue: the key to staying present

An essential aspect of building presence is managing one’s internal dialogue, Vilkelis says. People often worry about how they’re perceived, focusing on judgments or criticisms from others. “We all have an inner dialogue that can get in the way of truly being present,” she shares. Rather than worrying about how one is perceived or trying to control the conversation, she suggests embracing curiosity and setting aside judgments.

This is particularly relevant for women, Vilkelis adds, who may feel an added pressure to either downplay their accomplishments or prove themselves. For her, managing inner dialogue also means giving oneself permission to be authentic and not striving to meet every expectation. “It’s okay to let go of the need to impress,” she reassures, “and instead focus on engaging and connecting.”

Balancing confidence and humility

When asked about balancing confidence with humility, Vilkelis believes the key lies in intention. Recognizing one’s strengths isn’t about self-promotion; it’s about understanding the value one brings. “There’s a difference between sharing an achievement to connect and using it to create a hierarchy,” she observes. The balance comes from being intentional in conversations, showing genuine interest in others, and understanding that confidence and humility are not mutually exclusive.

Vilkelis believes that humility doesn’t mean downplaying one’s strengths. Instead, it’s about creating an environment where achievements can be celebrated without overshadowing others. “Confidence is about embracing our own voice, especially as women, and using it to communicate our values,” she emphasises.

Practical tips for building presence

For professionals eager to develop a strong, authentic presence, Vilkelis offers actionable advice. She encourages people to start by identifying the problems they’re passionate about solving rather than simply listing their skills or job titles. “Focus on communicating what you do in the words of your clients or team—this makes it relevant and relatable,” she advises.

Another tip she shares is the “Amazon Review Challenge”: looking at product or book reviews to see how differently people perceive the same item. This exercise helps remind us that no one message will resonate with everyone, and that’s okay. It’s better to be authentic and connect with those who align with our message rather than trying to appeal to everyone.

Vilkelis also highlights the importance of keeping an open mind when networking. “Instead of thinking, ‘How can this person help me?’ approach with the mindset, ‘How can I make this interaction valuable for both of us?’” she suggests. By doing so, the focus shifts from transactional to relational, allowing for deeper connections.

Living with integrity

Reflecting back on her career, Vilkelis shared her personal perspective on living a life aligned with one’s values. “Being true to oneself is a privilege, but it requires choices,” she says. For her, authenticity means making decisions that align with personal values, even if it means taking a different path.

Vilkelis acknowledges that, especially for women, these choices often involve juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. As someone who took time away from her career to care for family, she understands the sacrifices many make. Yet, she emphasises the importance of making choices that allow for personal growth and integrity. “It’s about finding conditions where you can be yourself fully,” she says, “and accepting that life doesn’t always unfold according to plan.”

A message for the next generation

Reflecting on today’s younger professionals, Vilkelis notes the pressures of social media and algorithm-driven validation. She worries that many are inadvertently shaped by digital influences that may reinforce superficial values. Her advice to them is to be mindful of these influences and to prioritise real, in-person connections whenever possible.

At Lumin, we believe mentoring and community support can play a vital role in helping tackle the impact of values driven by a virtual vacuum. Through shared experiences and advocacy, across generations, we can identify true values, foster confidence and build more inclusive workplaces.

And in a world filled with curated images and highlight reels, Vilkelis believes authenticity has become even more essential. Her parting words capture her philosophy beautifully: “Live with internal integrity and alignment. Create a professional life that feels true to who you are, and let that be the foundation of your presence.”

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Watch the full interview with Ilaria Vilkelis